GrAnDmA DoRoThY..UpDaTeD...

is my mom's mom. She passed away this evening at 6:15 our time. I didn't know my grandma much. My mom didn't have much of a relationship with her. My mom is a good woman who has over come much sadness in her life. This is one of those things. The second to last time I saw my grandma was when my grandpa passed away. I was around 10 years old. It was a terribly hurtful situation. It created a flashbulb memory in my mind. I still remember seeing the pain my mom went through, and I hurt so much for her. Mom is second oldest of 5 children. The last time I saw my grandmother was when I was an adult. I was seeking resolutions and I was a little curious. Mom had kept in touch with grandma over the years, a phone call at Christmas or Mother's Day. Letters. But Jeff and I took the kids to Utah to visit some dear friends and other relatives. We did go with a great uncle to see her. He sort of mediated the "reunion" for us. What a sweet man for doing that! He would be grandmas brother in law (grandpa's brother). Anyway, the visit was poignant. Matthew was 4 and Bethanie was almost a year. She was almost walking, and grandma had a house full of rick-a-rack. Bethanie found a pill on the floor and ate it. While it smelled like a vitamin, we decided to take her to the hospital (in West Jordan) to make sure that was all it was, we were worried about heart meds or blood pressure pills. Thankfully Bethanie was OK, but that was the last time I saw my grandma. We talked 2 or 3 times since then and I sent her a few letters with pictures. A week or so ago, one of my aunts called to let us know she was not doing well. She was given an expiration date of 1 week to 3 months. She had tongue or throat cancer and was basically starving.

All we have are memories. Not many were pleasant. However, family is family and you don't just forget that. There are so many could have been's and should have been's. I hurt for mom, who hurts for what was taken from her. She deserved a relationship with her mom. I am so thankful that I have the relationship with my mom that I do, and I pray that I will have that with my daughters. Its just sad. It is supposed to be a happy month with Mother's Day, 3 birthdays, graduations. At least we have these things to look forward to...

UPDATE: May 7, 2010

Through this experience, we have been in contact with my aunt Teresa, and one of her daughter's (Katherine Nicole). I found this picture of Grandma on Katherine's Facebook page. Maybe broken ties can be mended, if only a little, from a distance. Maybe I will learn of my cousins (although I am old).